Saturday, April 25, 2009


...I am currently at Casa Del McNab in the great City of St Cloud for a weekend visit of splendor and I joined the ladies of "Oakwood Lane" (Stacy's gal pal neighbors) for a little lunch which I imagine is much better and less controversial than the ladies of Wisteria Lane. Good food was followed by a trip to the mall in which I became reacquainted with all that is fantastic at New York & Company. I hadn't been there in years and needless to say I made up for lost time. Good for me, bad for BeerDaddy.

So not a whole lot of earth shattering news, we signed Ross up for Kindergarten and have come to the decision that he will attend half day in the morning (we were told that our neighborhood has been AM for years) and Brian will bring him to school (they don't bus from our neighborhood). I am hoping all works well, we have stressed out (or maybe just me) over this for months and I'd like to think that we have made the best decision possible...we'll see. Speaking of decisions Stacy called me shortly after reading my last post to inform that I had indeed lost my mind as she had never considered me a bad parent and was dumbfounded as to why I would think that and post such nonsense. My response was...maybe it was PMS and I didn't want to admit it...or lack of Vino.

Other than that last weekend we had a little memorial dinner in honor of the 1 year since my Grandma passed away, it was very nice and since my Grandpa adored and loved my Grandma immensely he wrote a little speech that had most in tears...such a sappy guy...(BeerDaddy pay attention). That same day my godson turned 21, yes my Aunt was that nutty and bequeathed me with the honor of being her son's Godmother at the tender age of 10. So being the good Godmother that I am, I go out for a couple glasses of vino so that I can buy him a shot. Well somehow I was given a couple shots and boom goes the dynamite. It was a lot of fun, but I am way to damn old to do that anymore as Sunday came around and I was not so much enjoying life.

Last but not least I am sending a special shout out (albeit belated) to my Dad/Mr Fabulous/Bampa/Special Shoes...who turned a fantastic 51 this week. I luv ya Dad!!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Parenting, it's not as easy as it looks...

...hard to believe that this Thursday I will be taking the Big Boy to "Kindergarten Roundup" i.e. registering him for school, meet the teachers, and get a sneak peek at what's in store for next fall.

I know I have said it before but I am simply amazed at how fast time has flown, I mean really how is it possible that 5 years have already passed since he was born? He is such a precocious little boy, who has been called an "old soul" more than once. He is a lover, a cuddler, but needs his space. He definitely knows what he wants and has no issue letting us know how he feels about something. He can not be forced, if he is not ready to sing a song, play a game, etc...he will not do it.

He is a processor, a thinker and me, I am doer. This can be a conflict at times, me being the Mom who wants him to do something on my time (get his shoes on, pick up a toy, take a picture...) and he of course not wanting to do this. I know this sounds like the classic parent/child conflict, but lately I feel like my fuse has been a little short. No need to call CPS...nothing bad, we aren't on a spanking rampage (and NO I am not berating those who choose to spank), I just realized that on at least 2 occasions this weekend I sort of snapped at my Big Boy for not doing what I asked him to and maybe just maybe it was a little more than what was necessary for the "crime".

I worry that I have been too hard on him and for goodness sakes he is only 5 and if I am this hard on him at 5 what will I be like when he is 10 or 15? So I shed some tears (NO, I am not PMS'ng) and BeerDaddy brought me back to reality that yes I may have snapped (we all have our moments) and lord knows between the funeral frenzy, Easter, and all that ensued last week I was a wee bit stressed, that I am still a good Mom.

I just don't want my boys to remember me as that Mom who was too tough or hard to please, because oh my god these boys mean the world to me. So I will forgive myself, as I am sure my little Rossman has for my little blurp in time where I wasn't the perfect Mommy and hope that he and Jack always know how much I love them. They are my sweet perfection that bring me so much joy and I know that there will be other moments, but hopefully I can learn a little something each time.

Like I said, this parenting's not as easy as it looks.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Deja Vu...

...but not the kind I like. I am back from a couple of chaotic weeks and the return to normal life is quite comforting.

A year ago, Brian and I came home from Cancun to find out that my Grandma (my Dad's Mom) had become sick and although initially we thought it was something she would recover from, it was dire enough that we were told we should head to the hospital when we landed. Within a week of being home she passed away. This was devastating for all of us as it was so unexpected, this Saturday it will have been 1 year.

So when I got on the plane to come home from Cancun a week ago and made a call home before takeoff to see how the boys were doing, I was crushed to hear that my Grandpa was not doing well. I waited until we were in flight and went up to First Class where my parents were to let my Mom know what little I knew and that it sounded serious. I went back to my seat and just sat that there in awe that we could possibly be going through the same motions as last year. We landed, my Mom called her Sister to find out what his status was and made the decision that she needed to get to his house as soon as possible. My Mom's other sister arrived a few hours later and would join them shortly. I was told that I could wait until morning that things would be fine until then. I went to bed that night second guessing that I should have gone to see him, my thoughts were confirmed when I received a call at 6:30AM on Monday that my Grandpa had passed away 15 minutes earlier.

I was sad, I was mad, and in an instant the relaxed and refreshed feeling of being on vacation less than 24 hours earlier was gone. The rest of last week went as most do after someone passes, we cried, we put pictures together, family gathered, we laughed, we became stressed, we told stories, we said good bye and then we partied. Wait....doesn't every family have a good party when someone dies? Well, my family does because well that is what we do best, celebrate life and the life of someone we love.

My Grandpa was a complex man to say the least, he saw things from a point of view much different than I. I always knew he had a love for the outdoors, hunting, fishing, anything that would place him near a lake or woods. What I didn't know was the deep love that he had for his family. Not that I didn't think he loved his Children, Grandchildren or Great was just not something I heard him speak about. But I couldn't help but notice how many people at his funeral stated how much he expressed to them the immense love he had for his family above all. I would be lying if I didn't say this took me by surprise. Again, I don't say this as a negative thing, I guess maybe I viewed his love as more understated, but it does feel good to know that we were such an important part of his life. He will be missed by many and I personally will miss my many lunches with him where I would get him up to speed on the latest and greatest stories of Ross and Jack.

So tonight I am in Indy trying to get caught up with work, caught up with life, and trying to remember what life was like before the chaos ensued. I miss my boys already and am counting down the hours till I see them again.

Hello...anyone here??

I promise I have not vacated the premise...still alive, still kickin'. It has been a crazy couple of weeks and I have quite the post drafted for tonight. But until then Vino Mommy needs some vino. Much to come....