Thursday, July 8, 2010

"'re a hard habit to break."

Don’t panic…I know you think someone has probably confiscated my blog account, but never fear it really is Vinomommy. So much to talk about as always, but today my post is going to be somewhat of an awakening, somewhat heavy hearted and more than anything a new beginning for me. My suggestion is to grab a glass of water, coffee, diet coke, vino, or beer and settle in for a nice long post…

I use my blog to document life and what transpires in this head of mine…the posts are sporadic at best, but I try…probably why I never succeeded at keeping a diary. When I did have a diary it went something like this….“Dear Diary today is my 11th Birthday” and then the next entry would be “Dear Diary today I graduated from High School” so as you can see consistency was never my strong suit.

At any rate a few weeks ago my Grandma (my savior…seriously) came to clean. Yes I hire my Grandma to clean my house, why? Because she is a fierce cleaner, who leaves no spot untouched and she offered, so there. Anyways I used to have her clean 1x month and then the recession hit and so did everything else in life. So I stopped having her clean about 6 months ago, fast forward to a few weeks ago…our house was in need of a SERIOUS scrub. Mind you we have always kept a “clean” house, sure toys were around, maybe I still had a bag of Easter eggs & candy sitting out, mail piled, laundry to do, dust bunnies on the shelves…but nothing that was worth signing me up for an episode of Hoarders. But something happened…

I am not sure how others feel but I know that when beds are made, laundry is kept up & put away, dishes are done, bathrooms are cleaned, offices are organized and shit is put away…our house, family, marriage all runs smoothly, like a well oiled non stressful machine. Let me emphasize the non stressful part…because it is true. When the house is in chaos so is this family, we (me, Brian, and the boys…truthfully probably just B & me). It puts us both on edge and with two very active boys, combined with two very demanding careers, we don’t need additional chaos!

So what happened? Brian and I arrived home from work on Friday to a clean house courtesy of Grandma and then we found ourselves spending the weekend putting away the laundry she had done, and then moved to the kids rooms and did the same, then we cleaned the basement (i.e. organized), I started organizing the kids toys, games, pantry, office, steam cleaning the carpet and before you know it our house was perfect. Well maybe not totally perfect, but perfect in our eyes. What was left was a very clean, organized home with beds made, laundry put away…a polished beauty, one that we would be proud to call home.

But the BEST part? Almost a month later it still looks that way. When we go to bed, leave for work, whatever…the house is in order. Funny how keeping up with everything is a lot easier than trying to do a complete overhaul…who knew? (Mom, Grandma no comments please!) I think I have actually become a bit neurotic because I seriously can’t leave the house or go to bed with things out or dishes in the sink, etc…ridiculous and wonderful all at the same time.

Which brings me to the reason behind this post…habits. It took giving us a fresh start and committing to keeping our house organized and doing it EVERY SINGLE DAY to become a habit and of course breaking the bad ones.

I have some other bad habits too that need breaking and rewiring…so here goes the second part of this post.

This weekend we are having an all family picture on my Mom’s side, the last one was taken in 1998. So much has changed in 12 years including losing my Grandpa (and trust me when I say this is no easy feat thinking about him not being part of this picture) but there is also a lot of good too…marriages, babies...all totaling a new family picture of 27 people. The coordination of this picture has been a year in the making since a portion of our family lives in AZ. A year…an entire year I knew this picture would be happening and here I am days before the picture thinking to myself “why didn’t you do something sooner.”

Believe me this is not a pity post AT ALL, I am not fishing for affirmations or excuses; I am just being honest with myself. I knew this picture was going to happen and I know that there is a good chance we might not ever have another or at least it won’t be in the next 10 years. So why on earth did I not get my ass in gear sooner with the healthy eating and exercise regime that I have so desperately wanted to start and make it a habit by now? Excuses and lots of them. I really despise myself in pictures right now and if I am to be to totally honest at least the last 6 years…and now I will have a permanent portrait of how much I do not like the way I look at this moment.

No it’s not all about physical beauty it’s also about being healthy and doing something for myself, for my kids and for my husband. I don’t think I am ugly, hideous, or anything of the sort, in fact I feel beautiful more often than not. But I do know that I have avoided for a long time admitting to myself that I am not totally happy with who I have become. So there is really nothing I can do about the looming picture this weekend, well maybe slip the photographer a hundred to Photoshop the hell out me. Instead I am going to use this as a new beginning to break some bad habits and create some new healthier ones.

I start yoga on Monday and am ecstatic to being doing this and I have a few other little things in my back pocket that I am committing to as well. My plan is in a few weeks to come back to this blog and be able to rave about how in addition to a clean organized house I have also become a healthier me.

Chicago was sort of right…hard habits are hard to break, but not impossible.

Until next time…