Parenting, it's not as easy as it looks...

...hard to believe that this Thursday I will be taking the Big Boy to "Kindergarten Roundup" i.e. registering him for school, meet the teachers, and get a sneak peek at what's in store for next fall.

I know I have said it before but I am simply amazed at how fast time has flown, I mean really how is it possible that 5 years have already passed since he was born? He is such a precocious little boy, who has been called an "old soul" more than once. He is a lover, a cuddler, but needs his space. He definitely knows what he wants and has no issue letting us know how he feels about something. He can not be forced, if he is not ready to sing a song, play a game, etc...he will not do it.

He is a processor, a thinker and me, I am doer. This can be a conflict at times, me being the Mom who wants him to do something on my time (get his shoes on, pick up a toy, take a picture...) and he of course not wanting to do this. I know this sounds like the classic parent/child conflict, but lately I feel like my fuse has been a little short. No need to call CPS...nothing bad, we aren't on a spanking rampage (and NO I am not berating those who choose to spank), I just realized that on at least 2 occasions this weekend I sort of snapped at my Big Boy for not doing what I asked him to and maybe just maybe it was a little more than what was necessary for the "crime".

I worry that I have been too hard on him and for goodness sakes he is only 5 and if I am this hard on him at 5 what will I be like when he is 10 or 15? So I shed some tears (NO, I am not PMS'ng) and BeerDaddy brought me back to reality that yes I may have snapped (we all have our moments) and lord knows between the funeral frenzy, Easter, and all that ensued last week I was a wee bit stressed, that I am still a good Mom.

I just don't want my boys to remember me as that Mom who was too tough or hard to please, because oh my god these boys mean the world to me. So I will forgive myself, as I am sure my little Rossman has for my little blurp in time where I wasn't the perfect Mommy and hope that he and Jack always know how much I love them. They are my sweet perfection that bring me so much joy and I know that there will be other moments, but hopefully I can learn a little something each time.

Like I said, this parenting thing...it's not as easy as it looks.